Feelings.

Bismillah.

I’ve been wondering for the past few weeks what to write. Though I made myself promise to update my blog at least twice a week, I just can’t do that. It’s hard to express your feeling when you don’t even know what you felt. Weird huh? You tell me.

When you wake up in the morning, that person is the first one to slip into your mind. Has he eaten? Has he waked up? Did he think about me the way I think about him? When you feel sad, that someone is the one you text first to tell your problem. If you’re happy over the moon, you want to share it with that one person specifically. Is it love? Or just that you’re comfortable to be around him?

 You tell me.

 You found out that your best friend has a crush on your crush. And you know that your crush like your best friend since like forever. You encourage your friend to make move. You tell your crush all the good things about your best friend so that he will like her even more thus, your friend don’t really have to be the one who start all the conversations. Is this what we call sacrifice or it’s just a silly thing to do?

You tell me.

You are hurt of your friends’ doings. But you don’t want to upset her by saying that she’s the reason why you can’t sit for your Tasawwur Islam’s paper properly and feel distracted to study for the next paper, Biology. You can possibly just go tell her on the face that if you screw up in your Final Examination, it’s all her fault but you just didn’t.  As far as you concern, she’s a very fragile person.  But she suddenly threw a bombshell at you by saying that she was kind of pissed off with the way people surround her had treated her especially her friends, which includes you. You start to wonder, should I be mad or sad?

You tell me.

Someone once told me that there are three words that are hard to say by human. “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, and “I love you”.

It is indeed very true. You find it hard to say “I’m sorry” to your parents when you have done something that totally disappoint them. When your brother or sister gave something that you have been wanting for a long time, you don’t know how to say “Thank you”. Instead, you just send a short message, when you are away from them and you know you’re not going to see them for the next two weeks. And how many times did you say “I love you” to your parents, who deserved your unconditional love more than anyone?

You said “I’m sorry” when you bumped into someone.

You said “Thank you” to the salesperson.

You said “I love you” to your lover.

But you don’t really mean it because they are all strangers.

These three words are very special. And only for a special person who have our heart. It could be that you’ve said it so many times before but how many times did you really meant it?

They are hard to be say to someone that we love. So, when our friends don’t apologize for their wrong behavior, it’s because that they don’t know how to say it, which means, they love us. When your sister don’t say “Thank you” for what you’ve done, she’s just too shy to say it because she loves you. Your parents may not say it often, but you know how much they love you, right?

Ma, I’m sorry for being such a pain all this while I was spending my semester break at home. Thank you for being patience with your ungrateful daughter. I love you, Mama.

See, I have to say it in my blog because I know Ma would never read this J

I messed up, I know. I don’t really know what I’m trying to portray in this post. My emotions are mixed!

May Peace be Upon You!